A Longing for Fellowship

It’s strange how you could live a lifetime without something and never miss it, and then, by merely tasting the sweetness of it, life suddenly seems dull and tasteless without it. It is so with people, it is so with love, it is sometimes so with sin, it is so with salvation and freedom. With God. For me, right now, it’s so with fellowship.
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I miss fellowship. It is a deep longing in my heart. A longing I have trusted God to fulfill, and that I know He will. But while He is silent my longing remains. And grow.
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I know no other people around here believing in God as I do. I know no people believing that the Christian life is more than going to mass and say a prayer once in a while.
I have no one to pray with, to speak of faith and God with, no one to worship together with, none to study Scripture with. I feel alone.
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I lived my life with God for many years without any fellowship at all. I didn’t need it. People spoke of it’s importance and I didn’t understand it. I said I needed God, and God alone. They spoke of the necessity of going regulary in a churh, belonging to a congregation and keep to them like family. I wasn’t really used to it, and I didn’t know which congregation to choose. And for a while, I was so disappointed in one church that I refused even to go to any meetings. I delayed.
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But as God softly continued to speak to me, tugging at my heart, whisper gently to me I came to see the importance. I didn’t feel it was necessary. But it was clear that God thought it necessary. How could I say He was wrong? I could scoff at all others, ignore the truth of their plead and refuse to listen. But I could not ignore Him. I couldn’t refuse His truth.
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I started belonging, not just to Him, but also to my family in Him. And a new world opened to me. I began to long to see “my new family”, I began to cherish the opportunity to meet with others with similar beliefs as me, I began to enjoy to pray with and for them, to worship together with them, to speak with them of life and faith and God. I learned a lot and it meant much to me.
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When I first came to know that God was calling me here, I started praying and asked my friends to pray for a church for me here. A church with people believing in Him, people basing their life upon Him and Him alone.
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I haven’t found one yet, but I am confident that God will provide me with that also. After all, He has not left me nor forsaken me. I belong to Him, He is able to provide and fulfill my every need. And I believe He will. I trust Him.
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My heart feels as if it is about to perish with longing for anything, oh just one person I can see and speak to and pray with. One person loving the Lord as I do.
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Last night I got to know I was able to get to church today. I cried, it really means this much to me. Even if, when I went today, I understood almost nothing, knew not what to do and was unfamiliar with both hymns and their prayer book, it was beautiful. It was the presence of God, together with people seeking Him. I was disappointed, that is true. It was unlike a family. When the service was over, everybody ran out into the rain back into their cars and left. I mean, it’s a bit like at home. I’m familiar with this unfamiliarity.
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When we were in the States and had lost a friends library card, we could explain our relationship, to the library,with her with “we’re in the same church”. I mean, there it meant something. The congregation gathered after church for coffee and bisquits downstairs, talking, singing when someone had a birthday. They arranged study groups and did things together as a congregation, a family. In our church in Norway, you’d hardly know who went there, and even if you knew they were members of your church, you wouldn’t actually know them. Very little like family, I’d say. It’s not at all what Paul writes about in his epistles in Scripture. What he describes, is what I long for. Fellowship, family. Feel that you are a part of something, meeting people with the same convictions as you, young or old. Being able to talk deeply about God and spiritual matters, pray together and for eachother. Serve eachother. Learn and grow in faith together. Encourage eachother and build eachother up. Love eachother.
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“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
John 13:35
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I long for it, and thirst after it. It occupies my mind. Sensing the loss makes me feel lonely and discouraged.
Yet, I know that I can praise the Lord:

For He is holding back this desire of mine for a reason, He has a better way,
A better timing.
And He sees clearly, though I do not, that this is not a good time for me to have my longing fulfilled.
He has something far better in store for me.
I need Him, and Him alone.
He knows what I need, I need this time alone with Him.
I need this waiting, I need the patience it will grow in me.

And I need to say this, aloud, to believe it: I trust you, Lord. Your way is best.