Whenever my Heart Panics

I thank You, Lord,
for holding all my loved ones in Your mighty hand.
Whenever worry strikes me,
whenever my heart panics in the thought of loosing them,
whenever I am about to burst out in tears because I cannot keep them from danger,
whenever fear sting my heart and threathens to overwhelm me,
You remind me that You are Lord.
You hold them in Your hand, and suddenly I realise;
they’re safe.
.
I love them Lord;
my family,
my father,
my mother,
my sister,
my brother,
my friends.
And I pray for them, and I miss them.
.
But You are Lord.
You will provide them with whatever they need,
as You do me.
You know their every need,
as You do mine.
You are able to fulfill their every need or longing,
as You do mine.
And You,
*love* them,
As You *love* me.

I thank You. I love You.
~Rizpah~

Facing Hardship

I’m just popping back in again, sixteen minutes after my last post to write something I’ve been thinking about lately:
.
I often think that I really want others to see that I am different. I know I have something special in being a follower of Christ, and I want others to see it and become interested in Christ. I want to glorify God in the way I handle tough situations. It’s easy to represent Him well when everything is as it should be. Even unbelievers often act with integrity and with peace then. It’s when hard times come that you see what people are made of (or in Whom they have their strength). It is in the really tough situations that unbelievers are touched by the peace Christians show. That is when they say;
What does she have? What gives him the strength to hold on?
It is in the tough situations we find the greatest testemonies with the greatest impacts on others.
.
I’ve always wanted to be this kind of a witness, who clings to God through whatever may come, and I often pray to be so. Still, I seldom recognize the core of this prayer:
Lord, let me face hardship.
.
It is not possible to be a witness of peace in tough times unless you face these tough times. It is so easy to say: God, why is this happening to me now. I had a great life yesterday!
We do not think about the fact that *this* is an answer to prayer.
*This* is our great chance to show who Christ is through our lives: His peace and fulfillment isn't restricted to the sunny days of life, but He is there also when we face hard times.
.
Just a thought.
.
Peace be with you,Rizpah

A Longing for Fellowship

It’s strange how you could live a lifetime without something and never miss it, and then, by merely tasting the sweetness of it, life suddenly seems dull and tasteless without it. It is so with people, it is so with love, it is sometimes so with sin, it is so with salvation and freedom. With God. For me, right now, it’s so with fellowship.
.
I miss fellowship. It is a deep longing in my heart. A longing I have trusted God to fulfill, and that I know He will. But while He is silent my longing remains. And grow.
.
I know no other people around here believing in God as I do. I know no people believing that the Christian life is more than going to mass and say a prayer once in a while.
I have no one to pray with, to speak of faith and God with, no one to worship together with, none to study Scripture with. I feel alone.
.
I lived my life with God for many years without any fellowship at all. I didn’t need it. People spoke of it’s importance and I didn’t understand it. I said I needed God, and God alone. They spoke of the necessity of going regulary in a churh, belonging to a congregation and keep to them like family. I wasn’t really used to it, and I didn’t know which congregation to choose. And for a while, I was so disappointed in one church that I refused even to go to any meetings. I delayed.
.
But as God softly continued to speak to me, tugging at my heart, whisper gently to me I came to see the importance. I didn’t feel it was necessary. But it was clear that God thought it necessary. How could I say He was wrong? I could scoff at all others, ignore the truth of their plead and refuse to listen. But I could not ignore Him. I couldn’t refuse His truth.
.
I started belonging, not just to Him, but also to my family in Him. And a new world opened to me. I began to long to see “my new family”, I began to cherish the opportunity to meet with others with similar beliefs as me, I began to enjoy to pray with and for them, to worship together with them, to speak with them of life and faith and God. I learned a lot and it meant much to me.
.
When I first came to know that God was calling me here, I started praying and asked my friends to pray for a church for me here. A church with people believing in Him, people basing their life upon Him and Him alone.
.
I haven’t found one yet, but I am confident that God will provide me with that also. After all, He has not left me nor forsaken me. I belong to Him, He is able to provide and fulfill my every need. And I believe He will. I trust Him.
.
My heart feels as if it is about to perish with longing for anything, oh just one person I can see and speak to and pray with. One person loving the Lord as I do.
.
Last night I got to know I was able to get to church today. I cried, it really means this much to me. Even if, when I went today, I understood almost nothing, knew not what to do and was unfamiliar with both hymns and their prayer book, it was beautiful. It was the presence of God, together with people seeking Him. I was disappointed, that is true. It was unlike a family. When the service was over, everybody ran out into the rain back into their cars and left. I mean, it’s a bit like at home. I’m familiar with this unfamiliarity.
.
When we were in the States and had lost a friends library card, we could explain our relationship, to the library,with her with “we’re in the same church”. I mean, there it meant something. The congregation gathered after church for coffee and bisquits downstairs, talking, singing when someone had a birthday. They arranged study groups and did things together as a congregation, a family. In our church in Norway, you’d hardly know who went there, and even if you knew they were members of your church, you wouldn’t actually know them. Very little like family, I’d say. It’s not at all what Paul writes about in his epistles in Scripture. What he describes, is what I long for. Fellowship, family. Feel that you are a part of something, meeting people with the same convictions as you, young or old. Being able to talk deeply about God and spiritual matters, pray together and for eachother. Serve eachother. Learn and grow in faith together. Encourage eachother and build eachother up. Love eachother.
.
“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
John 13:35
.
I long for it, and thirst after it. It occupies my mind. Sensing the loss makes me feel lonely and discouraged.
Yet, I know that I can praise the Lord:

For He is holding back this desire of mine for a reason, He has a better way,
A better timing.
And He sees clearly, though I do not, that this is not a good time for me to have my longing fulfilled.
He has something far better in store for me.
I need Him, and Him alone.
He knows what I need, I need this time alone with Him.
I need this waiting, I need the patience it will grow in me.

And I need to say this, aloud, to believe it: I trust you, Lord. Your way is best.

His Wondrous Love

I know I might should have finished this yesterday. But still, I can’t help it, at this moment of my life, and as far as I can see down the road, the words “I belong” is the most beautiful statement my heart have ever recognized.
.
I belong to Him,
the claim upon my life and heart is His,
whatever happens, whatever I go through, whatever doubt I might feel, whatever fear might threathen to overwhelm me, this remains:
I belong to the Lord, and He will have His way in me.
.
In everything I might go through, I know He is in charge, I am never for one moment of my life at the mercy of chance. Whatever I go through, I know it has all been sifted through His loving hands first. He has allowed this to happen to me for a reason, He knows what I need.
.
I have prayed so many times:
Let Your will happen, whatever the consequences may be. Have Your way in me, prove Your glory to the world, and use me, however You want to.
.
I meant what I prayed, even if I might not have grasped the full meaning of my prayer. I pleaded, whatever the cost, because I knew His ways were higher than mine, and that He knew my best better than I. And when this “whatever the cost” came, I couldn’t wince and cry: Lord, why do You allow this to happen? He is in charge, and He lets all thing work together for His good will, by and for those who according to His good will is called.
.
I have never asked that I may be in charge. I have asked that He be in charge in my life, because I know that He is in fact already in charge of the entire universe. I belong to Him. He have not abandoned me, nor forsaken me. I am so very dear to Him. I will not doubt this.
.
When I a couple of months ago struggled with fatigue over several months, I knew that He was in that also, He was pursuing His plan in my life, His plan that was bigger than I could fathom. And even as I was scared, and cried. He did never for a second abandon me. My hardship didn’t mean abandonment, it meant love. Whatever the cost.
.
I prayed for a heart that would trust His wisdom and love, and it really rose from the ashes of my decease. And as He healed me and guided me gently back to my life and the new life of trusting Him, I was able to walk a new path. His plan was so perfect, so difficult to understand those months I in periods lacked the strength to do even the simplest things, like walking and lift my hands. But when I now look back, I see His Heavenly guidance through it all. When He tore down everything my life consisted of, He burned the weed, so that the true seed could grow in the ashes. And that is what is happening. My trust and faith in Him have risen from the ashes as He so gently planned. And from the bare foundation of defeat, He has transformed and continues each and every day to transform me into the woman He have planned for me to be.
.
I do not know His plan from here on. I have no clue of what might face me further down the road, but this I know:
.
Whatever it is, He has sifted it through His loving hands first, He has allowed it for a reason.
.
Whatever it is, it is what He knows I need, He is in charge of it, I am not at the mercy of chance.
.
Whatever it His, He will work it together to good. He will have His way in me.
.
And when I know this,
this is all that matters: I belong to Him.

I Belong

Not angels, nor demons, no power on earth or heaven

Not distance, nor danger, no trouble now or ever

**************~~~*************

Pre Chorus

Nothing can take me from your great love

Forever this truth remains

*************~~~*************

Chorus

I belong, I belong to you

I belong, I belong to you

************~~~*************

Verse 2

Not hardship, nor hunger, no pain or depth of sorrow

Not weakness, nor failure, no broken dream or promise

Kathryn Scott.

I belong.

What endless soothing lies within those two words. Whatever happens to me, come what may, I am His and nothing can ever take me away from His claim upon me.

I belong.

What enourmous relief in their potential, I do not have to carry my burdens alone, I belong, and He whom I belong to will carry them with me.

I belong.

What an everlasting calling within them. I am not mine, my life is not mine, my choices are not mine: they belong to whom I belong.

I belong to God.

You are My Deepest Desire

My Beautiful Lord and Sweet Redeemer,
I trust You with my life,
I trust You with my love,
I trust You with everyone I hold dear.
You have prooved a hundred times over that You are worthy of my trust.

I follow You, Lord, even when You ask me to leave,
to leave everything known and dear to me,
even my sister which I love more than anything in this world.
Lord, You are my deepest love, my deepest desire.
You are not at all my only desire, but You are my deepest desire.
And in this Desire, to know You, to love You, more than anything else,
I let all these other desires go.

I trust You to keep me Lord,
I trust You to be my every joy,
to heal my every pain.
And I am confident that You will.
simply because You've said so.
And You've prooved a hundred times worthy of my trust.

Your Plan is Greater than mine,
I see only the mist, but You see it all in bright daylight.
So I trust You to look for me, and tell me which way I should go
At Your feet I will rest.
Towards Your cross I will walk.

Beautiful Jesus, I will look at You only.

I found out that there was more to live for than I ever dreamed of

“In Him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28).
This means, simply, God is our home” *

~so what am I to say but, home sweet home? Beautiful Jesus.

I'm going home.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gakF1C62u0w



*Quote taken from Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Ways